Meditations on Love and Cake

This is a metaphor that over the years has just kept giving. I believe we glorify love, and don't see the beauty in the cold hard truth that it is nothing unique to one relationship, or even several. That maybe it's a spectrum, and perhaps what we feel for all those we smile it is, in some way, love. To draw a line in the sand and go: I'm in love with (insert person/celebrity/particularly awesome cheese (or vegan alternative). This implies you can be out of love, but perhaps those subtler, day to day loves get marginalised, and if we cultivate the love with have with many, then we are always, technically in love. I do know there is 'that feeling' but i will get to that rushy, mutually obsessive, naked body rubbing aspect a bit later. But it's not love, e.g. it's not cake, though closely related.

So, love is like cake. It has bare ingredients without which it would cease to be love. These are your eggs, water, flour, sugar, butter. So far as love is concerned, these would be trust, respect, complimentary differences, complimentary similarities, similar paths/interests and once all mixed together you get a lovely feeling of warm affection for a person, or in this case, a lovely cake.

Over time you get to know said person, people and group. You warm to them, and as you find more of the previously mentioned ingredients for love, so this cake becomes more wonderful. Between you you find a mascarpone-lime layer, maybe ethical alternatives to sugar and butter, put your favourite nuts, spices and, hell, if it fits, stuff it full of gummi bears and marmite, if you find joy in that together why not. As time goes on, the more it keeps working the better and better you cake becomes, and it becomes a unique idiosyncratic cake between the two of you. Incubating in your souls as a fluffy wonderful thing to be enjoyed at length. Love is truly having your cake and eating it.

The best part about cake, I don't know if people are imagining this with one handsome person of the opposite sex. But this is possible with everyone who you call a friend. It is friendship. No more, no less. The prolem is we are told to find it elsewhere, and also told that a certain rushy roseate warmth of pre and post coital sweet nothings, romance and finding that 'special' someone. Where we take to walking on proverbial air (as walking on literal air is a great way to cause serious injury), and can't stop thinking about this or that person is love.

I'm afraid it's not love. We've been had by the pop industry that knows we get addicted to sugar highs.

It's the Icing.

It's the bit we see first that hooks us. It's so pretty, and promises cake either way, so much so we take the cake for granted. It's sat on a shelf in the large well lit display case of a club/party and we go for it. It says the right words, has the right pictures and we take it home.

Once there we indulge in icing, and it makes us rushy, we get a sugar high, and it may last quite a while, but we always come back down. Sometimes feeling a bit nauseous. And what we are left with is whatever cake was there that we gave no mind to. And very often it's not the cake we'd want, but we tell ourself: at least id does have that bit of jam in the middle; it is moist; it could be worse. Where really, if we looked at all the cake we would prefer, it wouldn't be that high up. Yet we invested so much hope into this cake, and it's in our house, so we convince ourselves it's good cake and just deal with the indigestion with a smile. At least we have some cake. But we just keep mixing icing, sure that sugar high was love, because without it, there is very little point to our cake.

Love is cake. Where the wickedly deceptive term 'in love' is, if we are being accurate, infatuation.

Now I do love a large helping of icing don't get me wrong! I am not slating icing. I just think it's healthy if we start seeing love as more general. But I want to make it absolutely clear: icing and cake are a great combo. Still, I would go for special, wholesome cake that takes time any day over a bowl of icing. I would rather sample many different wonderful cakes depending on my mood, even if just one of them had icing.

The point here is to make sure people don't walk around saying icing is cake and cake is icing. They are different, and if you mix them up then there's no clear distinction, and it 9 times out of 10 is just becomes a sticky mess. Learn how to use both and you will get some kick-ass cake. But remember, the important bit is the cake, and you can have so much full and wholesome cake if you see what you are looking for. If you are in love with all those about you who you share smiles, time and connection with. Those who are honest to you, respect you, who share your core beliefs, interests and can keep you on whatever path it is you are on by their company, comfort and conversation alone. This is the community we strive for: one big cake counter that you can face everyday and pick which one you want to savour. Cultivate all those cakes and you will always be 'in love'.

The icing's optional.